Well... what can I say the last few days have been ... well...not so nice! The picture to the left is an older one that I had... but this is what i've been up too - sleeping with ma puppy.

So let's start where we left off... I believe my last entry was on Thursday. 

On Friday the chemo starts to really kick the crap out of me... I wanted to fight it.. I wanted to beat it but dang that stuff is evil and it definitely won! I was tired and could not keep anything in my system.  Saturday was much the same to the point where by Sat evening I found myself in Emergency.

Upon arriving they gave me the "mask" so that others would not infect me - the wait wasn't too painful and they had me in and hooked up getting fluids as I was dehydrated. They also gave me something for the nausea... I fell asleep and was released the following morning ( Sunday at 7AM ).

Sunday wasn't much better... I spent the day in bed drinking as much as I possibly could...  I also made sure that I was eating as I know it's important -  Monday was much the same... it was a rough day at work I can tell you that much!

Tuesday I started to feel better - still quite tired but the nausea started to go away ( still there but alot less intense ). I had my appointment at the Chilliwack hospital to get my picc line dressing changed and I stopped in at work to pick up my new laptop and visit ma friends. It was so nice seeing everyone - as much as I like working from home I do miss my friends/co-workers. I hope to go in at least once a week providing this Chemo doesn't get worse! I may make it every other week... none the less I miss my friends!

As for today I'm still not keeping anything in my system for long but at least I'm not feeling as horrible as I had been... I also have these hot/cold flashes... I told Adam that he should probably shoot me before I start menopause as I'm sure he will want to soon after with the amount of whining I was doing - it really is quite unbearable (Ok maybe not but I didn't like it one bit ) :P

Ohhh yeah - my moment of weakness - don't like to talk about these but they happen and I said I was sharing my journey the good the bad so on...  so here goes :P -

Can't remember which day it was but I woke up and was really feeling sorry for myself - I didn't feel well at all and I was tired ( I know excuses ... excuses eh? ) but I cried ... and cried and could not stop. I was angry at being sick, I was angry at god for making me sick - I just wanted to feel better and it really didn't feel at that moment that I would. I had this horrible notion that I would stay sick for the duration of my chemo.

At times when I let myself I have moments where I feel defeated like I just can't take it anymore... So much has happened in such a short amount of time it seems hard to digest it all - Then I remember all those that love me and are supporting me and I wipe my tears and know that I have to move on. I tell myself there is no time for this crap and move on with my day! Sometimes it takes Adam to snap me out of it... or a snuggle in bed with Courteney ... I know that I WILL beat this... I know that I am strong although at times.. I just need to remind myself or have those that love me remind me...

Well.. that's all for tonight folks - it's bath time! ( Love my baths! )

Nighters <3