After I called Adam I started to tell my closest friends... to be honest I know it's only been a month but I cannot even remember how I did it... Did I call? Did I text? Did I send them a message on facebookk... I really cannot tell you...

It all seems like a blur... a nightmare that I so desperately wish I could wake up from...

Two of the things I remember most was telling my girls... I knew it would scare them... because it scared me.. and although I was trying to be strong it was all still so new... I was going to wait until I had more information to tell them but I knew if Courteney found out that I kept this from her... she would be really hurt and upset... So Heather went to pick her up from work... and that is when I had to look into my eldest daughter's eyes and tell her I had Cancer...

Very emotional to say the least... As stated above the information was new to me... I was still in shock... almost in a daze..I cannot remember if we walked around the hospital talking that day... or another day.. but we walked and talked and cried. You have to keep in mind that for the last two years it's been myself and Court and as strong as she pretends to be... I needed to pretend to be even stronger.. I'm her mom... i'm suppose to be her rock and I never want that role to be reversed.

I chose not to tell Lacey right away... I wanted to have more information. When I knew more... I asked Darcy and Andrea ( the girls father and his girlfriend of many years ) to bring Lacey to the Hospital. I wanted them there with her so she felt supported by all of us... Darcy and Andrea agreed and brought Lacey... that too was an emotional day... Lacey hugged me and I could tell she had alot of things running through her mind... She cried.. I cried... and although I know there was other people there... I cannot tell you who...

Like I said before alot of this.. is a blur to me. So much happend in such a short amount of time.. that I feel like im writting someone else's journey and I was only there for part of it...

Maybe the drugs.. maybe just my own safety net .. who knows :)