What's in my chemo bag...?

So... I haven't posted in a while - and no I didn't forget and yes it was on my mind... But sometimes when your feeling down and low... it's not something I really felt everyone needed to be subjected too...

Some days looking in the mirror is harder than others - wish it would all end you know... I hate the color my skin has gone.. ( looks like a bad fake tan in my opinion ) - this is another side effect of the Chemo. I hate being tired all the time and feeling sick... I know this could all be worse and I know some people in the world do have it much worse then I do... I just get frustrated with it all... ( yes I'm a baby and I'll be the first to admit it ) :P

I know I know .. I need to focus on the positive and not the negative and be happy for the things I have in my life... I can say it... it's just harder to believe some days.

But for real... some days are just plain old CRAPPY! I am happy that I have support and people to tell me that it will get better and that I'm being ridiculous ( thanks Court ) She has a way of just letting me know that i'm mom and no Cancer is going to get in the way of that - I need to stay strong for my girls ... and I am truly thankful I have them both <3

My girls are my world and without them I am nothing... so for that I am thankful to be alive! :)

Now... let's get to this weeks post because all that stuff above was just ... well plain old DEPRESSING!

I thought I would share what's in my Chemo bag since I so nicely placed it all out on my bed when I was cleaning it out for next week lol...

So here are some pics :)

So... as you can see I have snacks ( yogurt granola bars and Meli Melo's ) - Cards - Crib Board - Pen/Pencil - Hot Packs ( to warm my hands ) - a cancer book that they gave me when I showed up for my first vist to the cancer clinic.  FLOSS ( can never leave home without FLOSS!!! And I have my medical journal / appointment book.

This is where I keep all my questions for the doc and write down appointments and keep the appointment cards they give me :)

It really is almost like a second job trying to keep track of all the appointments and all of the small tasks that you have to do each day. Mmk so maybe it's not quite THAT bad but it is quite alot of things... Cancer is a huge pain in my butt...  lol no pun intended :P

I also have to keep track and take all kinds of pills - right after I have my Chemo I have to take 13 different pills ( that's one day's worth!!! ) Some are for the trial - some are for nausea - others for my low iron - and to be honest I can't think of why I'm taking some others :P

Well... I think that's all for this week - going to watch some "Game of Thrones" with ma man :)- Since it's my birthday month he lets me choose ... ohh who am I kidding I'm spoiled whether it's my birthday month or not lol...

Love you guys :)

Another very long week....

Miss me? Well you should... it's almost been a week since my last post :P 

Chemo truly sucks - really did not like it this time - I am truly a big baby and I'm happy that I have Adam to cheer me up when I'm having a "cry baby" moment and feeling sorry for myself... I have had a few of those this time around... ok maybe more then a few hee hee - and no asking Adam how many!!! I just wanted it to go away.. wanted to feel better and not feel tired and nauseous - I think maybe having my routine all mixed up also sort of set me back - along with the mini surgery I had to install the port...  As promised below is the picture of the where they did the incision - it's really not that big although I can tell you that it was uncomfortable for a few days... 

I also didn't really like how it felt when they inserted the needled so that I could get Chemo - it goes right through the skin and into the port ( which is under my skin) and because I had only had the surgery a few days prior it was still really sensitive..

My sleepiness and nausea lasted a day longer then the last round - By my count yesterday ( Friday ) I should have been feeling better - and I was not - thank goodness I have the most amazing boss and he gave me the day off... I really don't think I could have made it through another day!  I definitely enjoyed my sleep... 

I did something else when I went for Chemo - I went to the Chemo cosmetic room where you can get free hats - blankets and wigs... and I got me a wig!

 Still not sure how I feel about it but ... it did make me smile! As I said before I am not bald nor do I have any bald spots & I don't  think I will go completely bald but it's really thinning which had me very upset - for most it would not seem like a big deal - and really if you saw me you would think??? Really what's the issue she has tons of hair... but it's not tons for me... I have always had ALOT of hair and not having it all... is making me feel sad :( ( I told you all I was a suck.. geeesh )

I'm getting used to how my feet and hands tingle when they touch something cold... it's the oddest feeling... and I can only explain it by saying it's like a cross between when your foot falls asleep and stepping on the coldest surface to where it stings ... mesh those two feeling together and that's what I feel when I reach in for the juice jug or to pull something out for dinner - again it's odd but I'm getting used to it and know that it's coming! I actually have gloves attached to the fridge via magnet to use... Usually only use them when going into the freezer though - they were a gift from the cancer clinic... they came from the supplier of the drug that makes you sensitive to the cold.

Well... not much more to say tonight I promise I'll try and be better at posting - just when I feel the way I had for the last few days - the only thing I wanted was my pillow and my blanky! PS: Got me a new Jets blanky! w000t it's awesome! 

Charlie and my Blanky! :)

Ohhhh yea - if you haven't already please order from my Party - it closes on April 4th  :) 

https://michelle-ormiston.scentsy.ca/Scentsy/Buy?partyId=77598595

  

The weekend... and what's coming up!

Loving the sunshine!!! Had a great weekend... but I guess before I get into that I should tell you what happened after my post Wednesday...

Wednesday afternoon I had a routine follow up appointment with Dr. Shwarz (the surgeon who did my resection) - He had a look at my tummy - asked if I was feeling any pain and I let him know I was doing great when it came to my stomach.

I then let him know what was going on with my arm and how my picc got infected and how Abby was waiting/looking for a Surgeon to insert the port - he looked at me and off he went and made all the arrangements to have me in surgery the following day - woah... talk about service! He said that I had waited long enough and had been through enough and that he wanted to do this... ( he's a pretty great/amazing doc!! ).

So Thursday I had the port installed at about 2:45PM - and was home by 6ish the same day. I have yet to see what it looks like as it's all bandaged up.. but as soon as they take off the bandages I'll take some pictures of it - it was a little sore but nothing major at all! I honestly expected it to be worse!

So I'm now a week behind in my Chemo schedule - time to shift things and move things around grrrrr... but on a good note because of the shift and it being on Monday instead of a Tuesday - Laura will be spending the day with me! It will be nice to catch up...

The girls and I took Charlie to the puppy park today! Really loving all of this sunshine - starting to feel like spring!

On a more depressing note ... my hair is really thinning - not balding fully but I can see scalp which really upsets me - I thought I would really deal with the hair loss thing a lot better then I have been... I tried convincing myself that it would be no big deal... that if it all fell out I would just shave it and that would be the end of that - well it's not really that easy for me - I miss my long hair - I miss being able to style my hair - and do not want to part with any of my hair - and I find myself just wearing hats! - I feel super unattractive right now - No matter how many times Adam tells me I'm beautiful ( and he tells me all the time ) - I just don't feel it right now! I want my hair back... and I really REALLY think Cancer sucks!

It's been a few days... and mostly because i've been feeling really good and there wasn't alot to write about!

I had a fun filled weekend of slurpee's and ice cold drinks hahaha! Watched some hockey - got real sad when the Jets lost... and that's about as exciting as my weekend got!

So now onto Monday ...

I had an appointment with the Oncologist - he just wanted to know how I was doing and get an update from me... My response "Well let's see your giving me Chemo - so... Not so good doc :P "

But let's be serious for just a moment - he said that i'm taking the treatments quite well and won't make any changes to them (1 point for me). He prescribed me some pills and a mouth wash for the sores in my mouth and said it should "help" take them away.

Now on Monday I also had an X-RAY to see if my picc line was still usable for my chemo - which is scheduled for the following day. I waited around to see if I could get the results - and they sent me home stating that I would get them when I come the next day.

So Tuesday - Tam and I arrive at the hospital and they have a look at my picc site - and they all looked a little worried - multiple nurses standing in a circle talking about it - they then paged my Oncologist... That's when I knew things were not going to go as planned... It's "ME" why would things be simple... nope they never are lol... I always seems to make things more difficult. Turns out they had to remove my picc - as it had come out so much on it's own 10+ cm - which I guess is not good - Also the entry point was infected ( got the results back from the swab the week before ) ... So no chemo for me yesterday...

So what's next - well I am now waiting for a call where I will have to go in and get a port inserted. It goes under the skin and is on my chest... You can see a picture of it here... - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Port_%28medical%29

The nurse stated that it was better then a picc line and could stay in much longer... So that's the latest and greatest folks... Just remember if your reading this - I am not your "typical" patient... I tend to like to do things the hard way and make it more difficult lol - so have no fear your journey ( if your going through it ) will be alot lets eventful I'm sure :)

Let me just start this by saying....

I GOT THE HOUSE! Yay - I should have posted this sooner as I knew the other day ... but there has been alot going on with my move to say the least. I won't get into that as my mom always said if you have nothing nice to say about someone your best to just say nothing at all - but... I'm excited that I found a place and I move in on April 30th :)

So...on another note -  I started getting the "small sores" in my mouth that they said I would... They're kind of like small canker sores - well at least that's what they remind me of... thus far I only have 3 that I can feel... if there's more I don't know bout them and that's ok by me :)

Another side effect that I've been noticing is my finger nails - they are starting to peel - looked it up tonight to see what others have experienced and mine are great compared to some... So again I count my blessings and be thankful that they are not as horrible as some.

On a closing note tonight... if your 30+ and haven't been screened... make the appointment! Don't wait... and don't think "it won't happen to me" - because that's exactly what I always thought!

Well... it would seem I have been neglecting my blog... so let's start with how my Saturday went...

Hmmm nevermind I can't really tell you how that day went ... as there is really not much to tell. I can sum it up in one word "SLEEP".

I didn't really think it was possible to sleep THAT much and to be so dang tired right after  waking up - my eyes would barely be open and I would want to close them all over again -   I did this not only for Saturday but for much of Sunday as well.

In between I did feel nausea (which I hate grrr)  so I'm kinda happy I was sleeping through most of it.

On Monday I worked so.. really had no choice but to be awake - but I was tired none the less and still had some nausea - thank goodness for Metoclopramide - that's my breakthrough nausea medication. I have 2 others that I take the first 4 days after Chemo - but this one I can take 4 times a day as needed in addition... They are magical pills and help take that awful feeling away pretty quickly.

Now for Tuesday...

I went to Chilliwack Hospital to get my picc dressing changed - and things didn't go as routine as they should have -  It is me... nothing can just be "normal/simple" :P  So it looks like I may need to get a new picc - this one has managed to push itself out beyond the measurement they allow. They also think that it's infected and took a swab (no results back yet) - So what does all this mean? It means next week I go for an X-RAY to see how far the picc has moved and to see if it's still safe for my Chemo - if it's not ... then they put in a new picc or perhaps they will have an alternative method... Who knows.

Also... I can no longer get my picc dressing changed in Chilliwack -  they have asked that I drive to Abby Cancer Clinic to get it done... This means an extra trip to Abby once a week (for those of my family reading this back home... its about 25 minutes away)- which I really don't mind. Everyone there is so kind and really understanding - love the chemo room nurses :)

As for today - I'm excited to tell you that I feel so much better and that I am slowly taking in "cold" drinks... I know it doesn't seem like much -  but I will never take for granted how great ice cold drinks are! I may or may not have told you.. but the chemo drug that makes me sensitive to cold is "Oxaliplatin" if you want to read about it here's the link -  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxaliplatin

Well... I am off to watch the Jet's game... talk to you all soon! <3

Well today I was much like Charlie looks in this picture... Ohhh so sleepy! Napped lots today and plan on doing the same as soon as I am done typing this out.. well perhaps not nap - It will be bed time.

The nausea is here but doesn't seem to be as bad as last time - which is a plus...but as stated above I am very sleepy this time around.

Tomorrow I get to see if we have a new home - very excited! Drove past it today and yesterday ( yes i'm becoming a house stalker ) none the less I think its super cute! It's not very big which is what I love about it - sort of reminds me of my old house ( less to clean too haha! )

Well I know this is short but ... like I said a million times above - I am very sleepy and need my rest!

Good night world! :)